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Ichabeezer's Granddaughter/Transcript
This is an episode transcript for Ichabeezer's Granddaughter. Transcript (Scene opens to outside Ichabeezer's mansion, before Ichabeezer comes out the door.) Ichabeezer: She's coming! (Camera pans out to Bacon Bill sitting on Ichabeezer's lawn in a lawn chair while knitting a scarf.) Ichabeezer: Get off my lawn! Oh, I don't have time for this! (Ichabeezer leaves, while Bacon Bill resumes knitting. Scene switches to Ichabeezer arriving at Pa Grape's store then enters the store.) Ichabeezer: She's coming! She's coming! She's coming! She's coming tomorrow! Pa: Who's coming? Ichabeezer: My granddaughter Maisy is coming to visit! Now, what do kids eat? Uh, oat bran! Yeah! (laughing) I have no idea! (Bob is carrying some groceries, when Ichabeezer rushes past him, knocking him over and causing him to drop the groceries he was carrying.) Ichabeezer: Hey, Tomato! Uh, what kind of things do kids eat? Candy. Do kids like candy? Bob: Are you seriously asking me if kids like candy? Ichabeezer: They don't, do they? How am I this out of touch? (Ichabeezer places the bag of candy on top of the stack of groceries that Bob picks up again then hops down the aisle past Jimmy and Jerry.) Jimmy: You know what all kids love? Huge cookies, which happens to be our specialty. Jerry: The biggest! Ichabeezer: I'll pay you a pile of gold bars, to make me the biggest, yummiest, greatest cookie any man has ever known! Jerry: On it! Jimmy: We won't let you down! Come on, Jerry, let's buy ingredients! (Jimmy and Jerry rush off to buy cookie ingredients.) Larry: You're a grandpa, Ichabeezer? I had no idea. Ichabeezer: Yeah, my granddaughter's coming to visit me tomorrow. I haven't seen her seen she was only this big. (holds out two boxes) Bob: Do you really think giving her a huge cookie is all you need to do? You should probably think about being a good grandfather, not just giving her treats. Ichabeezer: I can't just give her a cookie? I'm not grandpa material! What am I gonna do?! (sobbing) Larry: Do you love your granddaughter? Ichabeezer: Of course I do! More than anything in the world. Larry: Then you have nothing to worry about! You don't need to learn how to be a grandpa! Ichabeezer: Learn? To be a grandpa? Well, that's a great idea! Thanks, Larry! (Ichabeezer quickly leaves the store, while Bob and Larry watch. Scene switches to Laura hopping down the sidewalk.) Laura: La-la-la-la-la-la-la! Ichabeezer: Laura Carrot, how are you today? Laura: I'm great! It's a beautiful day! Ichabeezer: My granddaughter Maisy is coming to visit and I don't know how to be a grandpa and I need you to teach me how to be one. Laura: That sounds like the worst plan ever. Ichabeezer: But it would make a great episode. (Scene switches to Jimmy and Jerry's house at night, before cutting to inside.) Jimmy: Yes, Jerry, they all said I was crazy and that it couldn't be done! "You're a madman, Jimmy!" That's what they said! A madman! Jerry: Eeeeh! Madman! Jimmy: They said I was out of my mind to attempt a cookie so big it could only be dipped in a milk ocean! Chocolate chips the size of spaceships! Pecans the size of mastodons! (Jimmy then throws the cookie mixture into the oven.) Jerry: Bake! Bake! Jimmy: Yes, my cookie! Bake like the night! Bake like the wind! Bake like the eagle riding a stallion through the lightning! (Scene switches to Ichabeezer and Laura at the school playground.) Laura: You want to be a good grandpa, right? Ichabeezer: Yes, ma'am! Laura: And you want to learn a few games that granddaughters love to play, right? Ichabeezer: That's correct! (Laura pulls out a jump rope.) Laura: Behold! Ichabeezer: What's the rope for? You wanna take Rooney for a walk? How does that help me become a better grandpa? Laura: Jump rope! Ichabeezer: I can't jump rope! Laura: 'Can't' means 'won't'. Follow my lead. (Laura starts jump roping.) Ichabeezer: Here goes nothing. (Ichabeezer starts jump roping as well.) Ichabeezer: Wow, this is easier than I thought! Laura: Don't lose your concentration! Ichabeezer: Don't lose my what?! (Ichabeezer trips over his jump rope and gets tied up in it, before stumbling into the merry-go-round, which spins him around, before he then tumbles onto one of the swings which then catapults him into a bush.) Laura: Let's try something a little easier. (Scene switches to Bob and Larry hopping across the countertop.) Bob: So Ichabeezer's a grandpa. Who knew? Larry: I bet his granddaughter knew, and he seemed to know. Bob: It's just an expression, Larry. Larry: I wanna know what it's like to be an old grandpa. Bob: Oh no. Larry: I bet it's great! Bob: No, no, no, no, no! Larry: I think I'll act like a grandpa for the rest of the day! Bob: No, no, no! Please, no! (Cut to Larry now dressed as a grandpa, which Bob is upset to see.) Larry: What'd ya say? Huh? Bob: (groans) Here we go! (Scene switches to a treehouse outside the House, before cutting to inside, where Laura is getting a tea party set up.) Laura: If you want to be a good grandpa, you have to show proper tea party etiquette. Take a seat. (Ichabeezer sits in the chair, but it's too small for him, as he struggles to sit in the chair.) Ichabeezer: Ooh! What a lovely tea party! Laura: Thank you. Ichabeezer: So what do I do? Scarf down this tea and bolt? Laura: No, you need to offer some to Mr. Peanut Butter. Ichabeezer: You want me to offer tea to some fabric? (Laura stares blankly at Ichabeezer.) Ichabeezer: I mean, would you like some tea, Mr. Peanut Butter? (Ichabeezer pours some tea into a cup.) Laura: Very good, Mr. Ichabeezer. Now, you take a sip of tea. (Ichabeezer looks down at his tea cup, while Laura takes a sip of her tea. Ichabeezer takes a sip of his tea as well, but his chair tilts backwards while he's doing so.) Ichabeezer: Whoa, whoa! (yelling) (Ichabeezer falls out of his chair and crashes off-screen, while a soccer ball bounces past Laura. Ichabeezer is seen laying upside-down against the wall of the treehouse.) Ichabeezer: (groans) Oh, it's hopeless. I love Maisy, but I have no idea how to show it. What am I gonna do? (Scene switches to back at Jimmy and Jerry's house, as a timer dings, signifying that the cookie is ready. Jimmy takes the cookie out of the oven and sets it in front of him and Jerry.) Jimmy: Perfect! With this cookie, Ichabeezer will give us more gold than we know what to do with! We'll be rich! Rich! Then, who will be the madman? (Jerry licks his lips and prepares to eat the cookie, but Jimmy stops him.) Jimmy: No, Jerry! The cookie is for Ichabeezer! One bite and we'll lose our fortune! One bite and... (smelling, becomes hypnotized) One bite. Just one bite. (Jerry is also eager to eat the cookie as well. Scene switches to Bob and Larry's house.) Larry: Back in my day, I can't tell ya what year it was, because calendars weren't invented yet. But we had to use something called our imagination! Have ya heard of that, ya little apple? An imagination? Bob: (groans angrily) Larry: Now, what was I saying? Oh, yeah! When I was a kid... Bob: If I don't stop Larry, he'll do this forever! (Bob comes up with an idea.) Bob: Say, Larry, how would you like to ride bikes on the ceiling? Larry: Bikes? On the ceiling? Bob: That's right! You have full permission to ride your bike on the ceiling! Larry: That... Bob: Yeah? Larry: Sounds... Bob: Yeah? Larry: Like a terrible idea! When I was a kid, we'd ride our bikes on the ground! Bob: (sighs in frustration) Larry: But what I could go for is some hard candy! I've got a coupon! Take me to Ye Olde Candy Shoppe! Bob: (angry) Fine! Let's go! (Scene switches to back at the treehouse, where Laura has picked up Mr. Peanut Butter and hands him to Ichabeezer.) Laura: You can be Mr. Peanut Butter. And I'll be Mrs. Jellybean, and walk across your front lawn and- Ichabeezer: Get off my lawn! (Laura is surprised, while Ichabeezer realizes what he did.) Ichabeezer: Oh, this is not gonna work. Laura: Oh, Mr. Ichabeezer, we can try again. Ichabeezer: It's no use! (Ichabeezer leaves the treehouse while Laura watches. Scene switches to Ichabeezer sadly hopping into town.) Ichabeezer: I'm no grandpa! I'm a decent-pa at best! Larry: The wolf huffed and puffed, but it was no use! 'Cause that ugly duckling sure knows how to build a house! The end! Kids: Yay! Pea Boy: That was a fun story! Corn Boy: And barely comprehensible! Larry: Now each of you gets a penny! Spend it all in one place! Ichabeezer: Say, Larry, you're a good grandpa, huh? Larry: I'd love my grandkids if I had 'em. So sweet! Not like this teenager here! Bob: (angrily) We're the same age! That's it! I'm done! (leaves) Larry: No respect! Ichabeezer: How are you such a good grandpa? Larry: I learned from my grandpa! (singing) He's grand, he's grand He's my grandpa I'm a fan of the man who's my grandpa He's so proud of me and he tells me so He teaches me things that I don't know He's a gentleman who's funny and wise He always gives me the best advice My grandpa is an awesome guy! He's grand, he's grand He's my grandpa I'm a fan of the man who's my grandpa He reads his Bible And he says his prayers I love the memories that he shares And to hear about the places He has been I love the times I hang out with him My grandpa's cool He's my best friend He's got aches and pains He talks about He tells tall tales I sometimes doubt But he teaches me About right and wrong With every goal I set He cheers me on My grandpa is the reason for this song He's grand, he's grand He's my grandpa I'm a fan of the man who's my grandpa He's grand, he's grand He's my grandpa! (The song ends.) Ichabeezer: Larry, I need you to pretend to be my granddaughter's grandpa. You're perfect for it! Please? Larry: What was that? Pretend to be a grandpa? Ichabeezer: Thank you, Larry! You will never know how much this means to me! (Scene switches to Ichabeezer's mansion.) Ichabeezer: Now, when Maisy gets here, just do whatever children like to do with their grandpas. Okay? (The doorbell rings after that.) Ichabeezer: Oh, she's here! (Ichabeezer hides behind the couch, then peeks up from behind.) Ichabeezer: Remember, her name is Maisy, you're her grandfather, and you love her very much. (Ichabeezer hides behind the couch again, while Larry comes up to the door and answers it, revealing Maisy.) Maisy: Grandpa? (Maisy becomes surprised when she sees Larry.) Maisy: You're not my grandpa. Larry: Sure I am, Maisy. Grandpa Ichabeezer, that's me! (Camera whip pans behind the couch.) Ichabeezer: Eh, she's not buying it! Think, Ichabeezer, think! Oh yeah! The cookie! (Scene switches to Jimmy and Jerry's house, as Jimmy's phone starts ringing, before Jimmy answers it, while the camera is focused on his face in a close-up.) Jimmy: (voice drawling) Hello? Ichabeezer: Jimmy, I need you to deliver that giant cookie to my mansion. Now! Hurry! Jimmy: (voice drawling) There's one problem. (Camera zooms out to show Jimmy and Jerry both with huge bellies from eating the cookie.) Jimmy: (voice drawling) We ate it. Jerry: All of it. (Ichabeezer is shocked when he hears this.) Ichabeezer: (angrily) You what?! (Camera pans up from behind the couch, as Maisy and Larry hear what Ichabeezer said.) Larry: Um, that was my cat. Maisy: My grandpa can't stand cats! Larry: I mean, crab! Chicken! Gopher? (Maisy is still unimpressed, before Larry comes up with an idea.) Larry: How about we have ourselves a tea party? Maisy: Tea party? No way! I don't like tea parties! Ichabeezer: Ah! Doesn't like tea parties? Maisy: If you're my grandpa, then why aren't you doing anything about this? (Maisy opens the door to reveal Bacon Bill still sitting in the lawn chair on Ichabeezer's lawn while still knitting the scarf.) Maisy: You've got a slice of bacon on your lawn! Ichabeezer: I can't believe it. Ha! She's just like me! I had nothing to worry about! I don't need to be a perfect grandpa to be a great grandpa! (laughing) (Ichabeezer comes out from behind the couch.) Ichabeezer: Maisy! Maisy: (happily) Grandpa! (Maisy jumps into Ichabeezer's 'arms' as he happily hugs her.) Maisy: I'm so happy to see you! Ichabeezer: Aw, me too, sweetheart! I'll take it from here, Larry. (Larry understands before leaving the mansion.) Maisy: What do you want to do today, Grandpa? Ichabeezer: I would like to do whatever it is you would like to do. Maisy: I already know what I want to do first. (Scene switches to Bacon Bill still knitting the scarf, just as Ichabeezer and Maisy both come up to him.) Ichabeezer and Maisy: Get off my/his lawn! (Bacon Bill jumps up into the air in surprise after Ichabeezer and Maisy yell at him.) Maisy: I love you, Grandpa. Ichabeezer: (chuckling) And I love you, Maisy. (The screen irises out on Ichabeezer and Maisy in a heart shape, ending the episode.)Category:Transcripts Category:VeggieTales in the House transcripts Category:Finished Transcripts